REFLECT

Of the hundreds of mamas that I interact with, one of the most pervasive problems they tell me they face is loneliness.

They feel like they are raising their kids on a little island.

The burden of responsibility when we're parenting is very big. When we're doing it alone, it can become too much for any one person to handle.

We all know the phrase, it takes a village to raise a child. That quote has become so cliché though because it's self-evident and universally true across all human cultures.

Humans are social creatures. We depend on belonging, cooperation, contribution, and reciprocity.

While isolation can be a physical death sentence for humans, it can also be an emotional one. Depression and anxiety can increase when we don't have other people around us to help us regulate. This is a NEED not just a WANT.

On every level (from physical, to neuronal, to social) humans help each other to stay healthy, safe, and adjusted. There's been so much interesting research about mirror neurons. For example, when a mother is holding her baby, her own heart rate calms and paces the baby’s breathing.

If you look at the places where people live the longest, one of the most important things they have in common is community. The people in those communities grow old surrounded by their friends and family.

Children benefit greatly from having more than one caregiver. I spent many years in isolation with my children (Covid!!!), where the vast majority of the time I was their only caregiver. I was doing all the things: running the household, caring for my children, running a business, and trying to take care of myself. Through my own experience and everything I've read, I understand that is not sustainable or desirable.

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ENVISION

In W.E.I.R.D (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic) societies, we find a much higher percentage of this parenting isolation - a minuscule nuclear family without the intergenerational living, open door policy, and community feel. Instead, we find more and more pressure, particularly on the mother.

For all the reasons that I've outlined here, that's something that we want to combat. We want to learn from alternative approaches to make our mothering better, easier, healthier, happier, and longer, both for us and our children.

Because many of us are born into a culture that’s obsessed with the individual and privacy, we experience both the pros and cons of that model. When the price of isolation gets too high, we can start to experience anxiety and depression. Thankfully, much of this can be counterbalanced with a deliberate, intentional designing of our village.

What do I mean by ‘village’? I mean people around you who can and want to meet various needs of yours. You're going to need support and services, growth and balancing out of ideas, and a sense of purpose and belonging.These are all things that we're going to cover this month. All things you can begin to cultivate TODAY!

You're also going to need to set boundaries or even break up with people who aren't a good fit for your village, and we'll cover that as well.

But for now, what I really want you to realize, is that you can become someone who is a magnet for other people whether you're an introvert, extrovert or ambivert (more on that next month!), and whether you live in a W.E.I.R.D. culture or not.

When you start to be that person who is open and invested in creating a sense of village, then you're going to do the right things - reach out, invite people over - and then you're going to have a supportive network of connections that will drastically change the quality of your life and your children's lives.

Let’s start planting those seeds of belonging TODAY so that tomorrow we have a whole frost of belonging trees!